Just Call Me Pastor

Prior to her passing on December 6, 2023, Mom was fading fast. Near the end, at 97, she was bedfast and in hospice care in hers and Dad’s little apartment. It was a difficult time for family and most of all, for Mom, who was uncomfortable, but thankfully not in a lot of pain. I had my last visit with her just weeks before she went to heaven; Jan was in Kingston with her dad, who was also fading fast. 

Mom and I had some very nice conversations. She almost always had her eyes closed or maybe she squinted through just one eye when talking to me, because she was experiencing double vision. And her face was often mildly furrowed with … what was it? Anxiety? Discomfort? Deep thought? 

But one morning when I arrived, Mom’s face had a distinctly serene appearance, with even a slight and faintly active smile.  I greeted her and asked what she was thinking.  She paused, her beatific smile increased slightly, and still with eyes closed, she said something like: 

“This is such a wonderful film!  So wonderful.  And it’s true!  It’s true!”

“What’s true?” I asked. 

She replied, slowly and deliberately, with her continuing smile, “….. Kindness …. Overwhelms… Suffering.  Kindness and … that other word…”

After waiting for her to find it, I offered, “Maybe “love?”  

She seemed to assent and continued with, “It would be such a service to the human race to see this film. I can see the whole human race and it gives me a new perspective.”

I asked, “It would serve humanity to know that kindness and love overwhelm suffering?”   

She agreed, then after a pause, asked me, “Where is this film?” 

I said, “I think it is in your head.” 

Really? She asked. 

After a pause during which she seemed to be still considering that idea, I said, “I think maybe you are being given a vision from heaven.” She seemed pleased. 

She remembered this “vision” later in the day, and the next day too, and I got the sense that it continued to nourish her spirit.         

We can’t of course know the entire meaning of this kind of experience. We somehow want a vision of heaven to include correct doctrine, a statement of the Gospel, a vision of Jesus our Lord. She was weak enough that our conversation went no further, but I find it immensely comforting that her vision is no longer double or fragmentary, but now full. Complete.