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Tracy's HackMoor Campaign 2014/09/23
We had a "meat lovers" pizza, although the pepperoni was supposed to have been moved to one half (due to one player's inhibitions). The chef failed in his task, we were tempted to take the pizza back for a replacement, but ate it anyway.


The party first waited for the carpet to dry and Numrendir asked for the other three volumes of Gnomish history to be added to his collection. Since his upper torso was stiff from the dried splooge, the volumes were placed in his backpack. Honda also placed there "A Beginner's Guide to Making Golems". While reading "Gnome History Volume IV", Numrendir found three numbered clues on the operation of the "Freedom Bells" to liberate the Duchy of Ten from the Afridhi Barbarians. Namely:

20) There must be someone gentle present.
21) There must be someone kind present.
22) There must be a psychiatrist or a psionic present (guardian of the mind?)

And while half the party still under the effects of Hallucinogenics, they were shuffled off to wait in the Bar. Since Numrendir was still stuck but ambulatory, this half was kept under his watchful eye to keep them from getting into trouble. Along the way Numrendir noticed the Orc banner he had stuffed into the broken window to keep it from closing was now gone, the window repaired and now shuttered.

While the rest of the party were downstairs, Weasel wend down an upstairs hallway ending in two doors. The first door had Gnome writing which he did not understand. His Module S3 translator only worked on speech so he decided to burn some of his spells and sit down and memorize his Comprehend Languages spell. (Last week a card was played to comprehend Gnome, but since this was a different session, it was no longer in effect.) By the time he had finished remorizing, Huang, Honda, & Elefus arrived from downstairs. The sign said: "This is the home of Benister and Ellmay, knock before entering."

Entering this room. They found a sickeningly-sweet decor of a bedroom. A heart shaped bed, a painting of a half-nude Half-Elf female Druid and her dumpy Gnome Magic User husband underneath with the caption saying: "Snookums and Sweetie Cheeks, True Love Forever!" There was some other furniture which they ignored and two doors one of which was half-open.

Weasel, entering the closet used his Rod of Alertness to find a pair of magic items that were Bracers, and a Wand. (Albeit the Rod does not identify the items.) Further search revealed 100 gold, a silver sickle, a box of dried holly leaves, and a love letter. Having the ability, Weasel read the letter. During the session, I gave them the abridged version. Full version below, (and since it is HackMaster, it would not have been written if it weren't chock full of clues):

"Dawing Sweetie-Cheeks! I know you wuv me! I wuv you! I wuv you so much my wittle Elven, dwuid Sweetie-Cheeks! Yes I do! I wuv how you work in your wittle garden! You are so cute! I wuv you so! I wuv our house! I wuv how you never weah clothes! I wuv to kiss you in front of everyone and tell everyone I wuv you! And soon, we'll have a wittle one to wuv! I hope it is as nice as the first! I hope it gwows up big and strong like its mommy! I know you'll wuv and rotect it just like you do this house. You've go such a wuvy place for it under your bed where you can bre the wuvingest mommy ever. I wuv you too Sweetie-Cheeks! Wuv, Benister."

Weasel made his saving throw to retch. The group looked under the bed and saw nothing there.

Next, they opened the other door and found a private bath with a large spigot and privy, Honda found (and got) a pearl necklace on the edge of the tub. A tub which had a large dark stain on the side of the enamel, and lastly a small metal box inside an opened wood box. And yes they found and disarmed the fire trap and Weasel obtained Benister's private spell book.

The party decided to go back downstairs, retrieve the stoners from the bar, and Elefus decided to blast the party's way out the front door. Keeping them all out of the area of effect, Elefus decided to use his Model S3 Blaster at the "Disintegrate" setting on the front double doors. The door made its save and Elefus rolled a miserable 8 for damage.

Mysteriously, the doors opened of their own accord and a fireball entered the room nearly killing all the party. The last thing they saw as the fireball came rolling in was Brother Richard outside with his model DA3 Blaster Rifle. (Brother Richard and Henchman Tubbs were left outside to guard the wagon Elefus had captured previously.)

Elefus, having Great Honor, used his session option and takes his Mulligan, and the event never happened. (I was in a forgiving mood, as a Mulligan it should only apply to a personal die roll, not an event.)

Now armed with out of character knowledge that Brother Richard had turned on them, the stoners stayed in the lobby with Numrendir, (who ostensibly was keeping watch over the stoners). Numrendir was also given one of his diminution potions, so he shrank out of his stuck position, and given a spell book to re-memorize spells. How he was keeping the stoned group out of trouble while shrunk I have no idea. Thankfully as GM I was occupied otherwise the stoners may have freaked out by noticing the weird little man until the potion wore off.

The sober players went upstairs and Weasel entered the red velvet boardroom but not before Kmaregh warned him of the hallucinogens. Weasel then used his model S3 healing canister, and counteracted the effect. (Why he didn't do that for the rest of the party still hallucinating, I don't know.)

Leaving the red velvet room they went down a hall in the opposite direction of the former set of bedrooms and opened a door to what appeared to be an overgrown greenhouse. They found overgrown plants in undersized pots all over while at the other end of the room there what seemed to be an overgrown venus flytrap, but before they could approach it shriveled up and died before their very eyes. Also in the middle, there was a square patch of dirt, which Huang promptly dug up and found a stone box. The glyph-trap on this box was also deactivated and Huang found a seed.

Next they went into bedroom similarly furnished as before but the bed was not heart shaped, but circular. Next to a window, there was the bottom half of a gnome sized suit of chain mail filled with rotting Gnome carcass. Weasel's Rod of Alertness also found the Gnome's boots were magical and took that. Huang looked under the bed and found a Battle-Axe and went to retrieve it, however the bed collapsed on him for 20 points. He also got bitten by four giant maw emanating from the floor and lost 8 points of strength. As he was carrying so much stuff with his prior regular strength of 18, he could now barely move. Honda and Elefus (since he had Bracers of Frost Giant Strength lifted the bed while Huang rolled out and Honda defeated them.

Meanwhile Kmaregh being thirsty, took a drink of water from the local spigot.

There seemed to be a place where a closet was, but it was covered up. So taking their newly found Battle-Ax they tried to beat the door down since a Knock spell failed. After several attempts they get it right and in addition to four Chests they found with Weasel's Rod of Alertness: A bag, a Gnome-sized suit of chain mail, a dagger, and a stone. None of the items were stowed away and the chests remained unopened when three small Monkeys attacked bursting from the as yet unopened door in the next room.

First of all Huang and Honda failed saving throws and were Charmed. Not realizing this Elefus and Weasel attacked two Monkeys who once hit, promptly disappeared. Huang and Honda attacked Elefus in the back hitting him for 8 points and Magic Missiles hit Weasel for 48 points,. Next round three more Monkeys came through the door adding their number to the survivor making four Monkeys and Elefus got hit by Magic Missiles for 78 more points. I was about to play a GM card for double damage on that but I reneged on my own play. Not because it would have killed him (it would have), but because I had some pity.

Clearly these were not your typical small Monkeys.

The party decided to all hold hands and activate Weasel's "Rod of Security" and go to his "Happy Place" to sort things out. Admittedly, if Huang & Honda also went, their Charm would be broken (due to time and distance factors). However since Huang & Honda were now hostile, I'd have to judge that someone (also holding a hand or the Rod's owner) would have to "hit" to grapple Huang and/or Honda so they can also escape via Weasel's Rod of Security.

It was getting late so I decided to adjudicate it next week and call it a night.

I also have to apologize for neglecting to mention the Monkeys all have vines attached to their heads. But I'll give the party the fact that it is irrelevant to their power.



Count, Elefus, Human Male Deacon
Weasel, Human Guild Soldier, Enchanter, & Myrmidon
Kmaregh Dismal, Human Evoker
Huang - Human Monk Master
Honda - Human Samurai Bushi
Kiki - Minor-Trickster, Pixie-Nixie
Numrendir - Human Coercer

NPCs (living only):

Henchman Tubbs
Mini-Hill Giant: Larry
Mini-Frost Giant: Curly
Mini-Fire Giant" Moe
Mini-Stone Giant: Shemp
Kobold Slave: Broken_Tooth (picked up two sessions back)
Brother Richard - Human Canon of the Thonian High Church


Junkbot Jackson - Tracker/Adept
Gerry Castagere, Human Fingersmith, and ever loving devotee of Elefus
Fundisha - Half-Elf Swordsperson

Tracy Johnson



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